Have you ever wanted to
give up? Has life ever been so dark you weren’t sure you would make it? This
has been my experience in the past few years.
Life doesn’t often happen as we plan, but I think that what we choose in
the midst of disappointment, struggle, and intense suffering defines who we are
and refines what we believe to be true.
It has reinforced for me the truth of God’s amazing presence, power, and
love for us despite our circumstances.
In 2008, shortly after
giving birth to our third child, I learned of my husband’s long-term, ongoing
adultery. He walked out shortly after my
discovery and though I tried to reconcile for over a year, it was in vain. His
choices were increasingly erratic and gave no thought to me or his children. In
late 2009 he hit rock bottom and ended up incarcerated, where he remains. There
are no adequate words to describe watching someone you love destroy themselves
and by proxy their family. Just writing this still brings tears.
Alone
with three young children to support, I had no idea what to do. How do you work
all day only to pay someone else to watch your children? Without outside
support I was unable to make it. I knew with such young children I needed to
think long term. And I knew that I wanted to be as present a parent as possible
for my children. They were already missing one parent and needed a mother they
could count on. After much prayer,
thought, and counsel I decided to move in with my parents and return to school
to finish my undergrad degree.
Initially,
I decided to work towards a degree in counseling in a school setting. This
seemed practical and manageable. As I began to move forward from those
harrowing years and deeper into my psychology coursework, a new passion began
to develop: I want to work with hurting marriages. Though my own marriage was
not saved, I want to work with couples to give them hope and the tools
necessary to have amazing marriages. I want to extend to others the same
comfort, hope, and encouragement that I have received.
This
journey is not the one I had planned. I never anticipated parenting alone or
returning to college. In May I graduated with honors in Psychology with a
concentration in Christian Counseling. I
have managed to work part-time, raise three children, and complete my degree.
And there’s more. I was recently accepted to a two-year program in Marriage and
Family therapy at MidAmerican Nazarene University in Kansas City. I am thrilled to have found a two-year,
faith-based program that will allow me to be in class while my children are in
school. Frankly, I am astounded to see where this long, dark valley has
led.
Now
on to another difficult part for me—asking for help. Though I am a single mother with both need
and a 4.0 gpa, I have been unable to find aid to pay for graduate school. The cost of the entire program is $28,000. I
do not have it. Because of our circumstances, I am reluctant to borrow such a
large sum of money, especially as all graduate level loans are unsubsidized and
at a higher interest rate. What I am
looking for is a team of people who would like to support me in this adventure.
If you would like to give financially towards my schooling I would be
overwhelmingly grateful. Any amount would be great—it all adds up. You can contact me directly or give online at
http://hopeandwhimsy.blogspot.com/ Please know I will continue to study hard
and plan to also work part-time to cover most of our living expenses.
I
am keenly aware not everyone can give financially. To those who cannot I beg
your prayers. Moving half-way across the country to start over with three
children in tow is not for the faint of heart.
I have seen God provide continually and am excited for the fresh start,
but I will desperately miss those we leave behind. Please consider praying
faithfully for me and the children. I know it is prayers and encouragement that
have carried us this far!
Thank
you for considering joining me in this venture. I am humbled and encouraged at
the kindness and support I have received these past few years. I am thankful
God has not only been present but allowed me to thrive despite adversity. These few years I often wear a bracelet with
Jeremiah 29:11 on it—“For I know the
plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm
you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
God’s promises have been an unquenchable light in the darkest
places. If you are in a place of
difficulty or struggle, do not lose hope. God has not forgotten you.
